STORY BY MIKAEL H.
“GRAB YOUR BALLS GUYS – IT MIGHT SAVE YOUR LIFE”
I SAY THIS BECAUSE I MYSELF WAS RECENTLY DIAGNOSED WITH TESTICULAR CANCER
A few weeks back I found something that threw me into weeks in hell of going back and forth to hospital, doctor and tests. Last week the exhausting uncertainty was replaced by the message:
You got cancer!
It was a Tuesday, only two weeks after my first visit to the doctor, when I had my first surgery. The surgeons say they have successfully removed the cancer. I am keeping my fingers crossed for that the upcoming tests and last biopsy will confirm this, so I can avoid radiation therapy and the aftermath of my illness will be short.
I have always said that I would keep it to myself if I got cancer, however now after I have been through it I have chosen to speak out. The reason why I initially wanted to keep my medical history to myself is, that I don’t want people to act different around me or regard me as being sick. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. Or treat me any different. Or change anything because of this. I want everyone around me to celebrate life with me. To go on having fun. I made a post on Instagram and Facebook to give all my friends and acquaintances the same story, to avoid misconceived stories and disturbing rumors. That was the main reason.
Another argument for openness was to not have to lie making up bad excuses for not being available. Last but not least by coming publicly out with my story I wouldn’t have to tell the same tough story over and over when asked. I’d rather use my time with friends to talk about something more interesting, positive and joyful.
At the moment I am at home recovering. Painkillers help me to deal with the physical injury I have suffered. I am still waiting for my mind to fully comprehend the events of the last few weeks. It has been one crazy fast rollercoaster ride of emotions and thoughts. And tears. I don’t know how I would have managed without my nearest and dearest right beside me, being strong for me when I wasn’t. My boyfriend, my family and a couple of close friends. I’ll be forever grateful for the love and support they have provided during this. Another team I owe a big thank to is the healthcare system. Doctors, surgeons and nurses have been caring and professional all the way through and have shown how efficient the system can be when somebody is in need.
I consider myself a hedonist and aim to live life to its fullest all the time. I love life and everything it gives me. I live by the rule that I’d rather regret the things I have done, than regret what I have not done. It gives me so many great and memorable experiences. Every day I do my best to be impulsive, avoid overthinking in order to catch the moments, that make me happy. I want to surround myself with the people, that inspire me to be a better person.
At 32 I have already experienced more, than I could ever dream of. Still though I have many marking needles to add to my personal world map, there are countless ‘first times’ I want to do, I have a master thesis to finish, many ideas and goals I want to accomplish, and many amazing friends I want to spend time and share adventures with. Not least I have a boyfriend to grow old with. Hungry for life as I am, I could not put mine on hold during these last weeks. I have been to the gym, been out partying and done photoshoots. I have even been working on my thesis. Life must and will go on. I will beat this shit and come back even stronger. As soon as my body allows it I’ll be back as the active and energetic young man I was just few weeks back. Now maybe even more motivated. And again, I cannot stress this enough:
CHECK YOURSELF AND GET CHECKED BY PROFESSIONALS.
The text above was written a few days after the surgery. At the first consultation after the surgery there were still no signs that the cancer had spread. But due to the results from the last biopsy the doctors found it necessary to give radiation therapy after all, to prevent the cancer from coming back.
Model Mikael H. Photo by Johan Rastenberger